Waterworld is the 301st episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the post-apocalyptic science-fiction action film Waterworld (1995). The video is 4 minutes 27 seconds long. It was published on June 25, 2019, as part of Blockbuster Summer, a special run of episodes in which Screen Junkies turned their attention to blockbusters both old and new. It has been viewed over 900k times.
"It's Mad Max, but wet... and terrible!" ~ Honest Trailers - Waterworld
Enter the watery world known as Waterworld, a post-apocalypse where everyone looks like they sleep in Spongebob's dumpster. Full of makeshift vehicles, resource-hoarding warlords, and... (sighs) Here, I'll save you some time. It's Mad Max, but wet... and terrible! [Man pulls back the Mariner's ears. "Gills!"]
Kevin Costner is the Mariner, a hero with all the charm of a guy getting hit with a bucket of water between takes. Which, to be fair, he was! He's a man of few words. Like, really few words. [The Mariner stands on a boat. He stands. He continues standing. Eventually he speaks... "My boat."]. In fact, nobody gets to talk when he's around! [Clips of The Mariner: "Why are you talking to me?" "You talk a lot!" "Shut up." "You're too loud. Try sitting still." "Shut up." "If fact you talk all the time." "Did you say something?" Girl: "Nuh-uh."]. But this mysterious stranger has a mutant power of being super good... at... rope stuff! [The Mariner swings on a rope. Dramatic music plays].
Watch this fish-man-out-of-water on a mission to save a girl from the only guy in the movie who knows how silly it is [Dennis Hopper hams it up as the one-eyed villain. He wears an unconvincing false eye: "Well?" Minions: "Looks good. Yeah."]. And on the way our heroic embodiment of Florida will learn to do the right thing.... [The Mariner: "The kid we gotta pitch over the side." Woman: "What?!"] ... eventually.... [The Mariner pitches the kid into he ocean. Woman: "Hey! What are you doing?! She can't swim!" Girl screams!] .... any time now... [The Mariner strangles and punches the woman] ... right after this... [The mariner throttles the woman] ... eventually.... [The Mariner pushes the woman. The Mariner collapses the boat's sail onto the woman and then beats her with an oar.] Yep. That's the guy we're rooting for. And drinking his own pee. Yep. Just as soon as he's done gargling his own piss and pimping out her mom. [The Mariner: "Half an hour." Creepy man: "Come come come come come come come come come come."] Just gonna throw this out there, are they better off with Dennis Hopper? At least they get a jet ski! [Villain riding a jet ski flies through the air]. Wheeeee!!!!!
So take a shot of hydro, top off your go juice, and count your chits to revisit the first and last aquapunk epic! That may have been the laughing stock of Hollywood for being an expensive set-sinking vanity project, but still has the seed of something really cool... [Jet ski slams into a man, pinning him against a wooden pole] ....just cut out all the terrible dialogue.... [Dennis Hopper: "Well it better not screw up my short game."], most of the characters, the story, and do 20 minutes of great practical effects and real love action scenes [Clips of Waterworld Universal Studios show] Perfect! Oh man, now I want a churro!
Starring: [Kevin Costner as The Mariner] Merman, Dad. MerMAN!; [Woman drops her clothes] Me As Soon As I'm Home From Work. Amiright?; [Tina Majorino] Enola. Alone? Ohhh, Deep. Very Deep; [Dennis Hopper] Cheesy Rider; [Jack Black] Waterrrrwooooooorld, What Is The Secret Of Your Flippers?; Bartering ["You each get one of everything's here when I get back." "62 chits." "Half your chits." "You the man with the dirt?" "Pure dirt." "Paper! Have you ever seen paper?! Look at it! Smell it!"]; Wiiiiiiiiiild Hoooooorses; Boats and Hose; and... [Exxon Valdez ship sinks] Aww Man, Keep the Politics Out of My Waterworld!
Wild Wild Wet
The Mariner may have taught her to swim, but Napoleon Dynamite taught her to love [Tina Majorino slow dances with Napoleon Dynamite].
- When re-watching the film for this Honest Trailer, writer Lon Harris was surprised at how little it addressed the catastrophic environmental collapse that lead to the world of water.
- Some jokes deleted from the the video included: a reference to the on-set conflict between actor Kevin Costner and director Kevin Reynolds, referring to Tina Majorino as Verwaterca Mars, and titling the film "Inconvenient Truth 3: Mariner Rising" among others.
- Screen Junkies have made Honest Trailers for several other 1990's movies as part of Blockbuster Summer, including The Mummy (1999), Speed, Braveheart, Men in Black and Con Air. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
Honest Trailers - Waterworld has a 97.3% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Neatorama wrote "The Honest Trailer has a good time pointing out its [Waterworld's] faults." Ethan Anderton of Slash Film wrote "The Waterworld Honest Trailer shows reminds us exactly why this movie didn’t connect with audiences. Not only is the high concept simply Mad Max soaking wet, but Kevin Costner isn’t exactly the most charismatic leading man for a summer action adventure. He’s not even likeable when standing next to an insane eyepatch wearing Dennis Hopper."
Production credits Edit
Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey
Title Design by Robert Holtby
Edited by Kevin Williamsen
- An Honest Trailer for Waterworld - Neatorama article
- ‘Waterworld’ Honest Trailer: The Wettest ‘Mad Max’ Movie You’ve Ever Seen - SlashFilm article
- OMG, WATCH: Waterworld get the HONEST TRAILERS summer blockbuster treatment - OMB Blog article