Wild Wild West is the 302nd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the steampunk western film Wild Wild West (1999). The video is 5 minutes 24 seconds long. It was published on July 2, 2019, as part of Blockbuster Summer, a special run of episodes in which Screen Junkies turned their attention to blockbusters both old and new. It has been viewed over 1.3 million times.
"Why is this movie so horny!?" ~ Honest Trailers - Wild Wild West
From a director at the height of his powers, the biggest movie star on the planet, and an untapped source material with an original premise, comes a cinematic faceplant into a steaming pile of horses***! [Will Smith lands neck deep in mud] Will Smith passed on The Matrix for this, you guys. [Will Smith: "Sorry."]
Wicky Wicky Wild Wild West
Giddy up for the best movie where a former runaway slave turned cowboy turns up with an upper-crust white guy who invents a gun that pops out of his sleeve as they face off against a flamboyant, wealthy, racist southern villain. [Django Unchained poster appears]. Okay... Second best.
But what's easily the best sci-fi comedy of the 90's about a mad scientist in the Old West whose basecamp is a high-tech train. [Back to the Future Part III poster appears]. Ooooh. Forget about that one.
Okay... Well, it's definitely the best Barry Sonnenfeld-directed sci-fi comedy buddy movie, where Will Smith teams up with an older while co star to play government agents, that ends with them fighting a giant arthropod, that came out on July 4th weekend. Eh?! Eh??!! [Men in Black poster appears] Aww, come on!
Meet Jim West and Artemus Gordon, the serious straight shooter and the wacky sidekick -- but they never settle on which one is which. Will Smith shines as a guy in a cowboy stripper outfit who gives up on his accent halfway through the movie! [Will Smith: "That'd be an awful career decision, darlin'" MOMENTS LATER... Will Smith: "We'd be getting there a lot faster if you weren't dragging that thing around."]. And Kevin Kline shines as... the guy standing next to Will Smith. [Kevin Kline stands next to Will Smith outside a building] Yep, there he is. [Kevin Kline stands next to Will Smith in the giant spider] There he is again! [Kevin Kline stands next to Will Smith, while wearing a chef's hat] Kevin, you are nailing this! [Kevin Kline stands next to Will Smith near some horses]
They'll team up to take down the evil Dr. Loveless, a racist, fascist mad scientist trying to overthrow the government. But that won't stop out heroes from really taking him to task for... being disabled?
Will Smith: "Well, I can see where it'd be difficult for a man of your stature, to keep in touch with even half the people you know."
Will Smith: "Crazy beard... about your height... seen him?"
Will Smith: "Actually, I was thinking maybe I'd stuff your little half a ass in one of these canons and fertilize the landscape ya."
That's all you're gonna roast him for?
Will Smith: "Why when a feller comes back from the dead, I find that an occasion to stand up."
Will Smith: "We got a lovely little half a jail cell picked out for ya."
What, did a wheelchair kill your father or something?
Will Smith: "I guess when it comes right down to it, you just can't beat a good ol' fashion pair of legs." [Will Smith slaps his legs]
He wants to bring back slavery!!!!!! Gonna ding him for that at all?!!!!
Will Smith: "Well, you now beautiful women. They encourage you one minute and cut the legs out from under you the next."
Nope. Just the leg jokes. Okay. Cool.
Will Smith: "I'm just as stumped as you are."
And also, there's a lady. [Salma Hayek: "He's so impetuous."] I know that seems tacked on -- but so is she! [Salma Hayek: "He's so courageous." Salma Hayek: "Oh, he's so graceful."]
Return to a time when America had to confront the most shameful issue of American history: boners! Because this movie is so horny that when it's not showing you its horny gadgets...
Kevin Kline (wearing prosthetic breasts): "Touch them."
... it's constantly trying to show you its di-
A phallic-looking mechanical contraption thrusts forth its shaft.
... its di-
Will Smith's magnetic collar pulls him to Kevin Kline's belt buckle, forcing Smith's face into Kline's groin.
... its... diminishing returns! On all the lazy sex jokes.
Will Smith (to a veiled woman): "By the way, boobies look great tonight. Nice and perky." (He slaps the woman's breasts like bongo drums)
Kevin Kline: "She's a breast of fresh air."
Who wrote this? My creepy uncle?
Henchwoman (looking through a periscope): "I have them in my sights, sire."
Kenneth Brannagh (looking at her ass): "As do I, Munitia."
Kevin Kline: "The curvature of her buttocks and that swell of that magnificent bosom. So full! So sumptuous!"
Woman: "Who likes to... poke around." (Shot of her buttocks sitting upon a table)
Kevin Kline: "She's a breath of fresh ass."
(Salma Hayek turns around. her pajama butt flap has fallen down, revealing her ass.)
WHY IS THIS MOVIE SO HORNY?!?!?!
(Will Smith makes out with a woman in a water tank)
(Kevin Kline, dressed as a veiled belly dancer, performs a seductive dance for Kenneth Brannagh. Kline barks and growls. Kenneth Brannagh smiles lecherously.)
So saddle up for a film so disappointing that its only legacy is five Razzies, one great Kevin Smith anecdote [Kevin Smith: "So anyway, I'm going to meet Jon Peters, he's like, I've got some directives for ya. He's gotta fight a giant spider in the third act."], and the accidental career resurgence of Keanu Reeves [Headline reads: "Will Smith Explains Why He Turned Down 'The Matrix' to Star in 'Wild Wild West' Instead"]. But, hey, at least it's the best Kevin Kline movie where he impersonates the president! [Dave poster appears]. (Sighs) Really?! The best sci-fi western with an anachronistic theme song? [Cowboy Bebop poster appears]. You gotta be kidding me...! The best movie where Will Smith fights a redneck in the engine room of a mechanical spider? [Will Smith: I learned that from a Chinaman."] Okay? This doesn't happen in Pursuit of Happyness or the orc cop movie? Phew! Nailed it!
Starring: Aww Hee Haw! (Will Smith as Capt. James T. West); Na-Na-Na-Na-Na, Inspect Her Gadgets (Kevin Kline as Marshal Artemus Gordon); Damsel Out of Dis Dress (Salma Hayek as Rita Escobar); Shouldn't This Be a Spider-Man Villain? (Kenneth Branagh as Dr. Arliss Loveless); DJ Earhorn *air horn noises* (Ted Levine as General "Bloodbath" McGrath); When You Were Partying, I Studied The Blades (Jim West faces off against a henchman acting overly enthusiastic about his sword skills); and Will Smith Trying To Make a Line Funnier By Yelling It.
Will Smith: "THIS IS NOT THE WAY YOU TRANSPORT NITRO!"
Will Smith: "STOP THE TRAIN!"
Will Smith: "STOP SMILING!"
Will Smith: "GORDOOOOOOON!"
Will Smith: "GORDON! GORDON! GORDON! GORDOOOOOOON!!!"
THAT IS NOT HOW JOKES WORK!
The Not Very Good, The Bad, and The Somehow Even Worse
Y'know, there's a little part of me wishes Jon Peters didn't get to force the giant spider into this movie and had to put it in one of his others.... Like A Star is Born!
- The writers said that getting to make an Honest Trailer for Wild Wild West was a big part of the reason why they conceived of Blockbuster Summer.
- The writers initially didn't know how to include Wild Wild West's similarity to Django Unchained in the video. They considered making it a quick 'starring' or a run of its own, but after realising the film bore a striking resemblance to several other films, they decided to make it a recurring joke across the entire Honest Trailer.
- All the writers agreed the film was terrible and over-stuffed with horny, lazy sex jokes. In the associated episode of Honest Trailers Commentaries, writer Spencer Gilbert said it was like the film was "written as a porn parody for the movie and scripts got mixed up."
- Screen Junkies have made Honest Trailers for several other 1990's movies as part of Blockbuster Summer, including Waterworld, The Mummy (1999), Speed, Braveheart, Men in Black and Con Air. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
Honest Trailers - Wild Wild West has a 97.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Ethan Anderton of SlashFilm called the Wild Wild West Honest Trailer "a doozy" and highlighted it for pointing out that the movie is "much hornier, lazier, and it even has its own catchy rap song." The Awesomer noted "Screen Junkies roasts the hell out of this 1999 dud." In her review of the Honest Trailer, Sandy Schaefer of Screen Rant observed "As pointed out here, Wild Wild West turning out the way it did was actually a good thing in some ways. The film prevented Smith from starring in The Matrix and, in doing so, helped to revive Keanu Reeves' action movie career after he made a string of unsuccessful thrillers post-Speed."
Production credits Edit
Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey
Title Design by Robert Holtby
Edited by Kevin Williamsen
- An Honest Trailer for Wild Wild West - Neatorama article
- The Wild Wild West Honest Trailer. - MOE Lane
- Wild West Honest Trailer Revisits Will Smith's Cinematic Face-Plant - ScreenRant article
- ‘Wild Wild West’ Honest Trailer: Will Smith Turned Down ‘The Matrix’ for This? - SlashFilm article
- Wild Wild West Honest Trailer - The Awesomer article