Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is the 584th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the first season of the animated superhero streaming television series Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man. It was published on March 18, 2025. It is 7 minutes and 24 seconds long. It has been viewed over 500,000 times.
Script[]
In an age where Marvel's future is uncertain...
President Ross (Captain America: Brave New World): --help me rebuild the Avengers.
Sam Wilson: ... ... ...
...they can still count on one sure thing: watching the same exact Spider-Man story with minor cosmetic adjustments.
Peter: How is this happening again?
In an infinite multiverse, maybe you can be the next Aunt May.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man
Welcome to a What If...? episode stretched to series-length, that doesn't change things in an annoying and woke way, to the relief of its star (a Collider article with the title "'My Biggest Fear Was That It Was Gonna Be Annoying and Woke': 'Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man' Star Shares His Praise for the Series" pops up), because Disney's doing so much more than making the villains brown.
Scorpion: Look, Carmilla. They got a clown. And even [...] my favorite piñatas!
In fact, they're making the kind of in-your-face moves that could only come from writers twice the age of their characters --
Harry: So, everything's Gucci?
Nico: We're Gucci.
That's facts, my slime. -- where, in this timeline, Spidey works for Oscorp, his origin story is just "portals", and everyone's on their f*cking phones.
Harry: I don't really carry cash, but, I mean... do you have Venmo?
Spider-Man: Hey, don't worry about it...
Klev: (live streaming a street race) What up, y'all? It's ya boy Klev. [It] looks like a street race is about to pop off...
Nico: --he's also a social media celebrity.
Peter: (sitting next to Pearl and a girl taking selfies) Hey! Guess we're a team now. This'll be fun.
That Sony exec's leaked email finally came true: "Getting invited into Spidey's Snapchat circle would be huge, and very buzzworthy and cool." Uuuuurrrrgh...
Experience the rare adaptation that gets Peter Parker right, because, everyone say it with me now: "Peter Parker is a broke nerd with no hoes." And when he becomes Spider-Man, he's like a crime-hating ballerina, handing out graceful beatdowns to anyone with an EBT card, in a series that understands he's not some cool, fun-loving snark machine, but a tormented loner, forced to give himself little pep talks just to keep the darkness at bay.
Peter: All right, Peter, this is the first day of the rest of your life. / You really outdid yourself on this one, Peter. / This is totally, perfectly, incredibly fine. / You're okay. You're okay.
Tobey Maguire needed a whole posse to do this for him. (a Complex.com article with the title "The Unauthorized History of the P*ssy Posse" pops up)
In a world where Iron Man is too busy to hang out...
Iron Man: Iron Man to the rescue.
...and Uncle Ben got merked off-camera, Peter will get stuck with Norman Osborn as his bootleg mentor...
Norman: With great power... comes great respect.
Borat: Great success!
...as they secretly workshop a new line of Spider-Man action figures, while everyone else has to be thinking, "Peter's being groomed by this guy, right?"
Norman: When you arrive tomorrow, tell the staff to send you right to my office. I'll give you a proper welcome. / --I wanted our conversation to be a bit more private, so... I took the liberty of renting out the entire restaurant.
Security Guard: --Mr. Osborn is requesting [to] see Mr. Parker. Again.
Peter: (chuckles)
Norman: I had Harry call and tell her you were spending the night at our place.
Harry: Unless Peter asks me to leave, I'm staying.
Norman: (chuckles) Is that right? (closes the door on Harry)
Harry: (grumbles)
Norman: Come in, Peter. Activate security protocol. (shows the door to his office getting barred with heavy-duty locks)
"Where's the new intern?" He's behind the locked blast doors with the unmarried CEO again; why do you ask?
Jeanne: Raise your hand if you find it bizarre Mr. Osborn always wants to meet with Peter. (raises her hand along with everyone else in the lab)
Meanwhile, Otto Octavius is flooding the streets of New York with weapons almost as dangerous as a gun...
Mikhail: Ah, yes. The unicorn.
...sparking a turf war that sweeps up Lonnie "Tombstone" Lincoln in its path; he's one of those rare nerdy jocks...
Peter: Stoichiometric compounds are those that maintain...
Lonnie: The ratio in which they were formed, despite having defects.
...as opposed to one of those rare jock-y nerds.
Amadeus: Hell yeah! Pound it, bro.
But his pure heart won't keep him from an anti-gang PSA that Nancy Reagan called "a little on-the-nose".
Lonnie: Ah, don't worry, Mom. I have everything under control.
Big Donovan: Come on, Tombstone. You're one of us now.
Peter: You can't go back to that group. Please. / --you're putting yourself in serious danger.
Pearl: This isn't your world. You don't play around with this stuff.
You roll your eyes, but this is exactly how I joined the Foot Clan.
Foot Clan Member 1 (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)): You got any cigarettes?
Foot Clan Member 2: Regular or menthol?
Prepare to hang with all your favorites, provided you're a millennial who didn't date much in high school (shows the Marvel Database pages for Sister Grimm, Tombstone, Wave, Finesse, and Brawn alongside their counterparts in the show), like Pete's best friend Nico, a dark magic user with the power to foreshadow next season...
Nico: (in Latin) --return to the land of the living.
...or Harry Osborn, the influencer nepo baby with exactly one outfit (shows Harry in multiple scenes wearing a chartreuse turtleneck and green blazer), and it wouldn't be a Spider-Man story if they didn't all get into an awkward, unresolved love triangle.
Harry: Are you sure I'm not gonna be a third wheel to you and Nico, though?
Come on, Pete; it's 2025! Thwip this throuple into shape!
Peter: I'll be there to make sure everyone's gellin', vibin', havin' fun.
Never mind.
Tired of cosmic-level threats? Hit the pavement for the most grounded Spidey in years...
Spider-Man: I don't control when people's cars get stolen, Harry.
...as this genius with super strength and agility applies himself to fighting the unemployed...
Thief: (crying) I'm sorry. I... I lost my job recently.
...gentrifiers...
Butane: You're looking at the future site of 52nd Street's newest luxury high-rise!
...and recently-arrived immigrants with special needs...
Dmitri: I'm the brains.
Mikhail: I am the brains.
Dmitri: Mila is the muscle.
Mikhail: I am the muscle, too!
...in a show where all the real villains are "tune in next time" teasers.
Scientist: The gyroscopics for the glider prototype are steadily improving...
You're encroaching on the other guy's turf, man; he's going to be pissed. (shows Daredevil throwing a billy club such that it ricochets off of various objects and hits Spider-Man in the back of the head) Seeeee?
So swing into a new universe that's not quite the MCU...
Octavius: Incomprehensible drivel.
...and not quite the Sony-verse...
Harry: Go get 'em, tiger.
...but that doesn't mean it's not familiar...
Norman: My name is Norman Osborn.
Peter: I know!
...as the same exact pieces get briefly reshuffled...
Norman: Oscorp's best engineers now work round the clock for you.
...then fall back into the same roles we've been conditioned to expect for decades.
Peter: I don't know, Mr. Osborn, maybe you should listen to the magic doctor?
Norman: Do it now!
(shows Wittman activating the portal device)
Phew! That's the stuff I'm used to! Now, where's the Venom at? (shows Norman finding a fragment of the symbiotic alien from earlier) Ahh, yeah. That'll do for this little piggy; that'll do.
Starring: Peter Parker's Powers Picked Him Per a Portal Paradox (Hudson Thames as Peter Parker/Spider-Man); Def Bezos (Colman Domingo as Norman Osborn); My Hero Socialmedia (Zeno Robinson as Harry Osborn); Craft Single (Grace Song as Nico Minoru); Varsity Blues (Eugene Byrd as Lonnie Lincoln/Tombstone); Arms Dealer, Literally (Hugh Dancy as Dr. Otto Octavius); You Say Tomato, I Say Tomei? No! (Kari Wahlgren as May Parker); Bonk If You're Horny (Charlie Cox as Matt Murdock/Daredevil); and What You're Thinking When You Buy Marvel Tickets These Days.
James Sanders: --put the money in the dumpster.
Your Low Frame Rate Neighborhood Spider-Man
The honest title for Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man was ‘Your Low Frame Rate Neighborhood Spider-Man’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Your outie is a big fan of Spider-Man.
Klev (Spider-Man: Homecoming): Do a flip! (watches Spider-Man perform a backflip) YEEEEEAAAH!
Please try to enjoy every cameo equally.
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say, "Finally...he said my comment" - DJCMORE
For George Lowe, please say, "Who killed Walt Disney? With a wrench?" - GFHGGDJHJHJ
Please say "We know it's hard, but it's the truth Miles." - matthewjarek3026
Please, if you pick my comment, just pick something that YOU want to say (with your awesome voice). - cloudzero2049
"Awesome" voice? It's "epic" voice. (Not to be used without the express written consent of Epic Voice Guy, Inc. Copyright patent pending.)
Trivia[]
- The second comment in the viewer's comments pays tribute to George Lowe, a voice actor and comedian best known for his role as the title character on Space Ghost Coast to Coast, who passed away on March 2, 2025, at the age of 67.
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Manager: Emin Bassavand
Manager, Content Operations: Tiffany Tse
Post-Production Specialist: Rebecca Castaneda
VP Content: Max Dionne
